"Learning
to Trust" By Susie and Otto Collins
Do you trust who you are in relationship
with?
Now, the answer seems pretty obvious
if you are in a relationship with someone, but is it?
The truth is that you can be in a relationship
with someone for years but not truly trust them--not be open
to them.
We'll give you an example of how not
healing an old wound can cause trust issues to come between
you and show you the benefits if you do.
In the beginning of our relationship,
Otto started writing about marketing ideas. Because Susie
is a much better editor than he is, he would ask for her help.
Each time she gave some suggestions, he became very defensive
and it would take some time for him to get past the "trust"
issue of feeling criticized unfairly. He found that he viewed
the criticism of his work as an "attack" because of past experiences
with other people in his life instead of understanding that
Susie was just trying to make the project better.
In that moment, he didn't trust that
Susie was "on his side." While he "understood" mentally that
she was trying to make his book better, there were emotions
that he hadn't been able to acknowledge that wouldn't allow
him to "trust" the process.
Even though we have felt like we were
soulmates from the beginning of our relationship, like most
couples, there are challenges that have come up between us,
many left over from past relationships. This was one of them.
Some people believe that when you enter
into new relationships, you are starting fresh and you leave
all of that baggage from previous relationships behind you.
You always hope that's the case, but the truth is, you don't
always heal everything from past relationships when you move
on.
We believe that in that new relationship,
or even an old one, there's always another opportunity to
heal those parts of ourselves that end up causing us problems.
A few months after the first marketing
book came out, we got a chance to do it differently. Otto
was once again writing another marketing book and Susie was
the editor. But this time, we noticed a difference in Otto's
reaction to Susie's suggestions for how to make the book better.
When she made her suggestions, he still had an initial reaction
but this time, he didn't take the criticism personally. He
trusted and felt that Susie just wanted to help him to make
the book better.
What had changed? Otto was willing
to feel his emotions in the moment and then direct his attention
to honoring Susie's gifts and talents. He was willing to change
his habitual behavior and come from a place of love and not
fear.
This is a beautiful example of healing
the past and the deepening of trust in our relationship. We
believe that the foundation of any relationship is emotional
safety and trust. This means that physical safety is a given
and you feel emotionally safe enough to be who you really
are and be able to express yourself freely.
Most people want to place the responsibility
for trust in a relationship on someone else. They base their
trust on how someone acts towards them. We've discovered that
trust in a relationship doesn't start with someone else. It
starts with you and how willing you are to open up and allow
the other person in.
If you're having trust issues in a relationship,
we suggest examining your own thoughts, feelings and issues
from the past that have yet to be healed first before looking
outward to blame someone else. We also suggest taking a step
forward into love instead of fear every chance you get.
Sign up for a free mini course on
rebuilding trust after it's been broken at http://www.RelationshipTrust.com
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the love
they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving
relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
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