The purpose of this
article is to bring to your attention how we really
communicate with our children and what you can do to help
your children before, during or after divorce.
Divorce doesn't just happen. Whether
your struggles have been silent, behind closed doors or in
front of your children, they have felt your pain. How? Because
the old saying, "What you don't say speaks louder than your
words."
We now know that our thoughts are the
most powerful form of energy that exists on the planet. Each
thought, each emotion, carries with it a wave of energy that
is communicated and absorbed by those around us. Yes, our
energy speaks to other energy. Energy has a life of its own.
Dr. Deepak Chopra asked questions
no one else asked. As a physician he wondered… why do
we have skin cancer when our skin cells regenerate every 21
days? Why do we have liver cancer when our organs regenerate
once or twice a year?
After years of study, scientists discovered
what Jonas Salk wrote about before he discovered the polio
vaccine, that are cells talk to each other. Yes, our cells
tell each other their story and pass it on from one generation
to the next. Our cells gossip!
Well,
as human beings, what are we made up of if not cells? (And
I believe a spirit - another form of energy.)
So what does this have to do with communicating
with our children before, during and after divorce? Everything.
By being aware of the affect of "silent communication" we
can truly listen first to our silence and then to our
children's actions, words and deeds.
How do we accomplish this in the midst
of our own turmoil? ATTENTION.
Attention is everything. Attention creates
the energy that flows through and around us. Whatever we give
attention to grows in our life and becomes more real. Whatever
we withdraw attention from withers and fades away. Judgments
acts as "filters" that make our flow of attention “heavy”
and this robs our life force as well as that of the people
we judge.
Neutral attention is called "Prana"
or "Chi" or "Qi". This neutral attention is appreciative,
compassionate attention. When we are present and aware without
judgment we're in a state of being. When there is no
judgment we are in a state of what the Zen call "bare mind".
When the mental chatter is no longer present, we then are
relaxed, peaceful and content.
How do we create this state? Every day
take 5 minutes to just "be". Look at a flower, tree, the sky,
the wall. Do not think. Observe the light, shadow, color,
silence, noise, contrasts. No inner or spoken words - just
observation. The feeling is so euphoric you may want to increase
your daily practice being.
Notice your energy when you are in this
state. You feel light, airy.
Now that you know what a "state of being"
feels like, listen to your children while being. Now,
your children have a place where they can be.
Be in a state of being with your
spouse or soon to be former spouse. Notice how calm you feel.
What happens to the energy in you, around you? What is the
result of your "silent communication"?
The greatest communication tool that
you have is being in a state of ATTENTION. It is the "silent
witness" to loving communication. It is the "choice-maker"
when we relax our mind and allow our energy to be in flow
with what is happening around us. As all scriptures have said
for thousands of years, this intuitive, feeling nature is
the all powerful.
When we learn to be present to each
moment, to our sensory experience – the sights, sounds
and sensations in each NOW moment, we operate from this "silent
witness" and our attention is clear, compassionate and non-judgmental.
We feel life, operate intuitively, and are guided through
our life by infinite wisdom.
From this place of compassion and love,
our children benefit because our presence transmits into an
unconditional energy of love. Our quiet mind allows the energy
of love and acceptance to naturally flow. Our quiet mind gives
ourselves and everyone around us permission to feel more alive
and energized.
Being in the NOW MOMENT by using ATTENTION...
well miracles unfold in you and your children's lives and
the affects of divorce will gradually diminish over time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Madeline
Binder has Master’s Degrees in both Human Services Counseling
and Education and is the author of Smart
Divorce: Parent Happy, Healthy Kids.
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