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Healing a Broken Heart
"Why
do we seem to keep crashing into one another?" By Susie and
Otto Collins
When
there's been a relationship break up or divorce, one or both
people usually ask themselves what happened and many times,
they don't have the answer.
A common reason that causes many couples to break up is that
they don't feel a connection with each other and many times,
they simply don't "feel" the other person at all.
Recently,
we saw the film "Crash" and although we certainly don't want
to spoil it for you, we felt that the message about relationships
we got from it was too important to not pass onto you--along
with our thoughts.
The
film is set in Los Angeles and the first words spoken as we
watch several cars crashing into one another on the freeway
are these--"Sometimes I think that people in this town crash
into each other so they can feel one another."
The
rest of the film depicts how people "crash" into one another
in various ways for various reasons. This "crashing" is not
just the crashing into one another with our vehicles but how
we crash into one another in a million other ways either consciously
or unconsciously --to make a connection.
At
the bottom of all of this "crashing" is the idea that we are
all connected to each other and that we are all doing the best
we can to feel it. The message that we got from this film rang
very true for us because we've watched as other people "crash"
into one another and we "crash" into each other for attention,
for love, for connection, to relieve pain, for revenge or to
just simply "feel" another human being. This "crashing" can
and usually does eventually lead to a break up or divorce.
How
many of us choose unhealthy ways of "crashing" into other people
hoping for a different outcome or maybe just a small spark of
connection, love or attention?
We keep trying to get the attention, love
or whatever we want from others, even if it's done in a negative
way and we keep getting negative results.
If
you have experienced a break up or divorce, you may have experienced
this "crashing" first hand which eventually led to the break
up.
One vivid memory Susie has is when
she "crashed" into her previous husband to try to get him to
express emotion when her grandfather died. She badgered him
until he broke down and cried. They both had loved him very
much but Susie's previous husband hadn't been able to show any
emotion when her grandfather passed.
Susie needed that connection with
her previous husband and she needed him to show emotion--so
she emotionally "crashed" into him to get through the walls
he had created.
But
in our relationship, the two of us have found out that it doesn't
have to be that way. We have discovered that we can love each
other and the other people in our lives and connect without
"crashing" into each other in negative and unhealthy ways that
cause pain.
Just like you, we have our own lessons
to learn and we know that we're not perfect. Occasionally we
do have challenges that have to be worked through.
With
this in mind, here are some ideas and suggestions we can offer
to help you connect in more healthy and loving ways in your
life...
1.
Learn to first connect with yourself. While we all need to connect
with others, we need to start learning to connect with ourselves.
That means learning to feel your emotions and what you are feeling,
acknowledge them and let them flow.
2.
Allow others to be where they are and don't expect them to follow
your path or feel what you are feeling.
3. Center or calm yourself before you tell
someone what you are feeling or what you want from them. There
are many ways to do this, one good way is using your breath.
Get yourself into a space of feeling love for the other person--even
if it's a person at work that you need to connect with.
4.
Express what you need to express in a way that the other person
can hear without judgment and blame. Don't let yourself get
defensive and make sure of your intentions before you express
yourself.
5. Make heartfelt requests when you
need to from a calm, centered space. When you do, the other
person will be better able to take in your request without getting
defensive themselves and angry. You don't need to "crash" into
each other to get what you want and need . There are always
other ways to get what you want or need. We recommend that you
try some of these ideas this week and see how your life and
relationships change for the better.
******************
Relationship coaches Susie
and Otto Collins, authors of "Should You Stay or Should You
Go?" and "No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people get
more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer,
more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.Relationshipgold.com
***********************
For
a free mini-course on getting over a relationship breakup or
divorce, click here.
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