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Extramarital Affairs, Cheating & Infidelity
"Dealing
with Your Emotions Over a Cheating Spouse"
Dealing with your emotions shortly
after you have discovered your spouse's affair can and does
usually overshadow everything else in your life.
According to marriage and family counsellor Dr. Frank Ginzberg,
rather than focusing your energy outward in the early stages
of healing from an affair, the best thing you can do is turn
inward.
This means not hiding from your feelings
and pretending they don't exist. You actually need to move into
your emotions, feel them for what they are, and learn new ways
to process these painful parts of your life.
The first step to coping with your emotions
is to find out what you are feeling. If you feel like you are
caught in a flood of emotions that you sometimes have a hard
time contolling, much less distinguishing what exactly you are
feeling then you need to figure out what your feelings are before
you can start to cope with them.
Dr. Ginzburg has distinguished 8 Heart
Wrenching Emotions that most people face when they learn about
an affair. We've listed a few of them below:
Betrayal
This emotion is so universal to injured
people in affairs, that it almost seems like it isn't worth
mentioning. There is little question that you feel betrayed
by your partner. You may even feel as though you will never
be able to trust them again. But it is useful to consciously
recognize your feelings of betrayal. Don't run away from them
or pretend they don't exist. If you feel betrayed, feel it.
There is no reasons to try and bury that feeling hoping it will
go away. In fact, the only way you can learn to process it is
to accept that the feeling is there in the first place.
Guilt
Many
people feel guilty when they find out their partner has had
an affair. They think there are things they might have done
better in the relationship, and that if they had “only
done this” their partner would never have gone outside
the relationship. Bearing the burden of the affair is not your
responsibility. It rests firmly on the cheater's shoulders.
There are surely things you could
have done better. We are all human and there is always room
for improvement. But nothing you could have done makes it okay
for your partner to have cheated on you. Think of it this way.
Imagine
someone gave you some sacred, valued possession and asked you
to hold on to it for them for a week. In that time you learn
they have done something that offends you deeply. Do you have
then have the right to trash their sacred possession because
of something they did that hurt you?
The answer is clearly no. And the same is true of the cheater.
You gave them something sacred—your trust. Nothing you
could have done gives them the right to betray that sacred trust.
Disappointment
When you have invested a great deal
in another person and have spent years building a life with
them, you have every right to feel disappointed when they act
in a way that undoes much the work you have put into your relationship.
Take a moment now and see if you feel disappointed.
Be completely honest with yourself. Is this an emotion you are
struggling with?
To find out more about dealing with these
emotions that happen because of an extramarital affair, cheating
or infidelity, we invite you to sign up for a free email
course by marriage and family counsellor Dr. Frank Gunzburg
PhD who has specialized in helping couples heal their relationship
from an affair since 1978.
"Restoring Trust After
An Extramarital Affair or Infidelity Might Sound Like
An Empty Promise Or Too Good To Be True, But It Is
Possible." - Dr. Frank Gunzburg
"Join My Free Email Course And
Discover The Steps You Need To Take If You Want to Rebuild
The Trust Back Into Your Relationship."
 My
7-step FREE email course, will get you started on the
right track. Inside this special email series I will
take you through all the major issues I cover in my
complete step-by-step affair-healing system. Over the
next 7 days you will discover:
- Part 1: How to start the healing process after an
affair
- Part 2: How to cope with initial trauma of the affair
- Part 3: How to take control of your emotions and
stay sane
- Part 4: How to get the images out of your mind
- Part 5: How to talk about the details of the affair
- Part 6: Why the affair happened and how to prevent
it from happening again
- Part 7: Steps for restoring the trust back into
the relationship
Simply add your name and email below and press the
button that say's "Instant Access". After that happens
in 30 seconds we will email you part 1.
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