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Extramarital Affairs, Cheating & Infidelity
"Communicating
After the Extramarital Affair or Infidelity"
Once both of you have started coming
to terms with the emotions that have come up because of the
cheating and extramarital affair, you will need to begin communicating
about and exploring rebuilding your relationship.
This
is often difficult and the truth is that it isn't always easy.
But there is a way you can do it.
According to marriage and family counsellor
Dr. Frank Ginzburg, the cornerstone of rebuilding your relationship
is one simple concept—communication.
Intimate relationships are built on
communication. Talking to one another is one of the main ways
we come to know each other. If you don't talk to your partner,
there is no way to know how they think or feel. There is no
way to know what they want. In essence, there is no foundation
on which to build a lasting relationship.
This means that if you want to completely
heal from the destruction the affair has caused, you are going
to need to talk with your partner about your relationship. And
you are going to need to talk with them a lot.
Together you will need to explore every
aspect of your relationship. And you will need to agree on ways
that you can start building your relationship into what you
always wanted it to be.
When couples start talking again,
one of the first questions that comes up is whether or not they
should discuss the affair.
According to Dr. Gunzburg, a lot of people
seem to think that they should talk about the extramarital affair
or infidelity if they are going to move forward. But the truth
is that this isn't always necessary. You may be surprised to
learn that you don't have to talk about affair in order to heal
from the pain you are feeling and create a relationship that
is better than ever.
Remember,
when you are healing from an affair, the process is about what
you need. There are no right or wrong answers. You don't have
to do anything. Listen to your inner voice. Pay attention to
your own needs. You know what you need better than anyone.
If
you do choose to talk about the affair, Dr. Gunzburg gives some
Tips for Talking about the extramarital affair or infidelity.
Here are a few of his ideas:
1. The first thing you want to do if you
are going to discuss the affair is request complete honesty
from your partner. If you decide that you need to hear about
the details of the affair, then you can't expect your partner
to hold back or to tell you what you want to hear.
2.
That being said, a discussion about the affair should always
be initiated by the injured partner, and it should be structured
as a question and answer session where the injured partner asks
questions and the cheater answers those questions.
This
is not a place for the cheater to vent about the affair or to
share details about it that the injured has not specifically
asked for. The cheater should show some restraint. They should
not expand their answers beyond what the injured has asked,
and they should not offer information that wasn't specifically
requested.
This means that you should be careful what
you ask for. You just might get it. If you request complete
honesty from your partner, expect them to give it to you. That
means you should be really careful in choosing which questions
you want to ask.
Don't jump the gun and ask for information
you will later regret. I specifically suggest you stay away
from questions that are comparative in nature. These are questions
like: “Was she a better lover than me?” “Did
she do things in bed that I don't do?” “Do you enjoy
spending time with her more than me?”
Questions like this tend to go nowhere.
They don't resolve any real issues and they just build up resentment.
If you have any doubt about the question you are considering,
I recommend writing it down and carrying it around with you
for a while. This way you have the time to consider whether
or not it is a question you truly need an answer to.
To
find out more about how to communicate after the affair, we
invite you to sign up for a free email course by marriage and family
counsellor Dr. Frank Gunzburg PhD who has specialized in helping
couples heal their relationship from
an affair since 1978.
"Restoring Trust After
An Extramarital Affair or Infidelity Might Sound Like
An Empty Promise Or Too Good To Be True, But It Is
Possible." - Dr. Frank Gunzburg
"Join My Free Email Course And
Discover The Steps You Need To Take If You Want to Rebuild
The Trust Back Into Your Relationship."
 My
7-step FREE email course, will get you started on the
right track. Inside this special email series I will
take you through all the major issues I cover in my
complete step-by-step affair-healing system. Over the
next 7 days you will discover:
- Part 1: How to start the healing process after an
affair
- Part 2: How to cope with initial trauma of the affair
- Part 3: How to take control of your emotions and
stay sane
- Part 4: How to get the images out of your mind
- Part 5: How to talk about the details of the affair
- Part 6: Why the affair happened and how to prevent
it from happening again
- Part 7: Steps for restoring the trust back into
the relationship
Simply add your name and email below and press the
button that say's "Instant Access". After that happens
in 30 seconds we will email you part 1.
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